teenage years

So, I'm counting on the fact that my daughter doesn't read this blog.  so if you know her, for goodness sake don't tell her I'm talking about her here.  She said before that I can't put her picture on here and I can't use her name...so I am honoring that request.  now that the disclaimer is done...

My daughter is now 16 and a junior in high school.  I can see her fast approaching adulthood and leaving me so very soon.  I'm starting to have anxiety about if I prepared her well enough for the world.  When she was 8 years old, I taught her how to use the microwave and do laundry out of necessity, (she seems to have lost these skills as I have become more able to do it for her).  Since then there has always been a component of our relationship where she has taken care of me.   Mostly, I regret this, because as the Mom I feel like I didn't do my job as well as I would have liked,,,but also I try to remember that God chose me to be her Mom so maybe it was what she needed in life.  So..I was reading my journal entry from her 13th birthday to see if I had any wisdom to offer.
 "She was born 13 years ago today on a day much like this one, cold and rainy.  I remember holding her for the first time, all slippery and warm and how her tiny bottom fit in my hand so perfectly.  I struggled to turn her around so I could see her face as she was still attached via the umbilical cord.  I couldn't get her close enough until she was separate from me.   Her face all contorted with crying--so beautiful in her perfection.  Screaming--I'm here!  I'm here!  We are so glad you've come I whispered into her tiny perfect curving ear." 

So, the wisdom I see today is that line about "I couldn't get her close enough until she was separate from me."  This is our goal as parents, that they will one day fly without us.  She is here and grown into a beautiful and perfect as possible young woman, because of my mothering or in-spite of it.  It pains me still that separateness required and I hope there is not too much struggle for either of us as this naturally unfolds.  I plan to keep telling her how glad I am she came to this world as my daughter