Commitment and reliability

In my previous life I was reliable. I did not miss a single day of work prior to my Disability. This required spacing my patients at the office so I could lay down on the floor between them , going in early to do rounds so I could take a nap before I got started and another nap before going to the office. I was. Committed to my work and I was reliable. Finally, my employer agreed to let me just do day call and still all these special concession were required. Now, I'm less than reliable. This hurts my feelings somehow because I want to be reliable. I forget appointments even when I write them down, I promise to take my daughter somewhere and then when it is time I'm too tired and can't go. It makes me feel that I am not a good mother or a good anything. I shirk away from any responsibility now, I don't volunteer as band parent because I don't follow through. I hate being unreliable so I just don't participAte. I'm making the commitment today to participate fully as I can and just bail when I have to for my well being and tell people why.