a day in the park

In this blog I'm re-living this life via my journals and not even in order...because I'm not that organized.  Today, I read an entry from a visit to my "sacred place" in the park shortly after confirmation of the recurrence of Cushing's.  I have a special place by the creek at the Kennestone Battlefield park in Powder springs, a few miles from where we used to live.  It is a beautiful spot, with plenty of big rocks to lay on and overhanging trees, lovely sounds of water over rocks.  In this spot I prayed often, when we lived there.  Even now, whenever I visit my primary care doctor, I try to go to this special place and connect again with Divine in this place.  It feels like going to church to me.  When you climb over that first big rock and are near the creek, you feel like you have entered a most sacred site.  I love the constant sound of the water and seeing the shower of leaves fall as the breeze goes by in October,  it is so quiet here with no man-made sounds.  So... here's the journal entry excerpt October 2, 2005:
I brought my candle today to the sacred place by the creek, and my purpose is to sit with this recurrence and listen for the message.  I think the message is to work less.  My life from here on our must be different.  The "cure" rate is only 50% with this second surgery but with more pituitary gone, even if I'm "cured" my life will not be "normal" again.  OK I get it now.  Cushing's  is not merely a chapter in my life but a continued theme in my life.  Deep breath.  I will be taken care of and it will fall into place.  I would like to have some say in the planning of my life, but I can't seem to figure that our either because there are too many If's and When's.  How can I care for myself best?  How will I have an income?  What will I be able to do?  I'm sure there are choices.  Always a job has been gifted to me--everytime the perfect one.  I'm reminded of a Sufi song,
"I'm opening up in sweet surrender to the luminous love light of the One.
 I'm opening.
I'm opening
 I'm opening."
I trust I will be given what is needed to serve Divine.  I'm here ---God, such as I am.
Use me as you will
Help me to follow my heart without fighting so hard.
Peace today.
Joy everyday.
Live each day well and with gratitude.

these are my prayers.