Last night I had a beautiful dream of remembering. This happens from time to time, I remember running like I used to years ago... feeling my legs work so well and so fast, the wind rushing through my hair. It feels so real that maybe I should count it as exercise...that kind of remembering. Last night's dream was that real, not just a mind exercise but a body and a heart remembering. I delivered a baby last night, in my dream. I felt the baby's sweet head gently push through into my hands, my hands remembering just what to do and then quick the shoulders and the rest of the tiny screaming pink newborn. I could feel the joy of the parents as they wept a welcome to their baby I handed to them not 10 seconds old. I felt my heart broken open at the beauty of it all. I woke up crying, sobbing actually when I realized I was not in the call room having actually experienced that birth, but rather in my own bed. I felt sadness about the loss all over again, but mostly I felt such gratitude! Gratitude for the dream of remembering so beautifully with my heart and hands the warmth of new life. Gratitude for the over 800 times I was priveledged to be present for a new person coming in. Gratitude to all those Women and men who trusted me to be there with them at that most precious and intimate time as the birth of their child. Gratitude that at age 24, I was back in graduate school because I just couldn't wait to catch some babies. Life comes fast, so I need to remember to live everyday and get the good important work done, for tomorrow the assigment could be very different. I don't want to miss today. I feel embarassed sometimes because I run into folks that I delivered and I don't remember their name, because I don't remember stuff. If you are one of those people know that my heart remembers and I thank you for the gift of being present for your birth, for it changed who I am.
