Sunday, May 8, 2011

when I knew the Cushing's was back

I'm going through my journals and I come upon this entry that I felt obligated to share because it illustrates, how you know when the Cushing's is back, even before the labs say that it is true.  For months, the endocrinologists were saying I was still in remission( and this was true of course according to labs) but I knew differently.  My skin was bad, I was so tired, and the sweating , memory problems, etc..

June 8th, 2006
I went to see my primary care Doctor today and my blood pressure was even higher, I had gained more weight, the fatigue, the pain, the sweating, the bumps, the weird hair growth...all here...I told her about all this very calmly.  My Doctor who first saw me in 2003 when I presented with similar symptoms, My Doctor who I trust, and know, and love.  She calmly examines me and then when I lay down and pull up my shirt for her to look at my growing belly and there are the bumps on my belly and bumps on my arms.  With tears in her eyes she says, "Jamie, It is just like when you first came to me...I'm so sorry."  She didn't need labs to tell me what I needed to hear.  I needed her to say it to me...to confirm my fear, no, to share my fears.  Jamie the person, needed Alacia, the person, to say it first.  I didn't want to hear it from some endocrinologist who doesn't know me or care about me.  This Doctor had really walked the path with me before.  I'm scared now--no labs, no nothing just tears in my doctors eyes, and this was enough.

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