post call life

Recently, I had dinner with one of my midwife friends and we had a great time catching up and talking about old times.  We talked about the beauty and sacredness of birth, we talked about how the beauty and sacredness of birth is frequently not honored in the current reality of medical care.  We talked about how hard it was to care for families in this atmosphere.  We talked about being on call for days and therefore not sleeping for days, not eating well, not taking good care of ourselves.  Today, when I woke up I felt as if I was "post call"  my whole body hurts, i'm so tired that deciding what is for breakfast was difficult...can't remember what's in the fridge, open it up and then can't remember if I looked in the fridge or what is in there.  Not a driving day.  Feeling a lot like I used to "post call", the only diffeerence is that I didn't do anything useful before to warrent post call status.  I didn't catch any babies, save any lives, or just make anyone's day better.  But, somehow I feel physically tired and emotionally taxed beyond what I can handle.  I just want to hole up here in my house, not talk to anyone, or see anyone, and I surely don't want anyone to need anything from me.  I want to have a day of self care... sleepy sleep, drink hot tea, eat what nourishes me, read (if I can focus well enough), be quiet, no phone, no TV.  So...my thought this morning was this is my life now...everyday "post call" , everyday should be a day of self care.  Not because I deserve it from any good deeds, but because we all devserve self love and self care.  If I didn't bring some joy to the world wouldn't God have granted me the right to leave this place?  So...today, no people, no noise, but tomorrow, self care will involve care of the body, the soul and some of my favorite people.  Make a list of things to care well for yourslef when you are having one of these days.  write it down and put it somewhere handy (like the inside of the cabinet where the coffee cups are...that way you are sure to see it when you are having one of these days)  Do at least one of those self care things everyday.  You are worth it.  You are loved by yourself and a lot of others too.